Do You Know the Difference between a Dog and a Fox?

A 12-Pack of beer.

For those who don’t understand the reference, check out this link, or Jimi’s musical explanation.

The joke, which often turns sour, is based on the phenomenon, known as “beer goggles” that see a “ten” in the bar at 2, but a “two” in bed at 10 the next morning. One Sunday morning I gave my roommate’s Saturday Night Special a ride home. He jumped into the back seat of my Mustang and she rode up front. A sidelong glance told me all I needed to know. As we pulled away from her place, I noted, “She has moss on her teeth!” He agreed, but qualified it: “Only on the north side!” 

Lest this seem sexist, it also applies when the gender roles are reversed. There were ladies who slipped quietly out the door after waking up next to my unattractive form on a hungover morning.

The point of the joke is this: If you will change your standards about who you will sleep with, you’ll change your mind about whether you will drive after that same Package 12. Especially if said prospect indicates a need for a ride home. 

Bottom line: I believe you, this sober client sitting in group, outlining your plans to drink, but avoid another DUI. But I don’t believe you plus twelve. That person isn’t present right now and they are likely to have a different plan.

We use alcohol, other drugs and gambling to change the way we feel. The trouble is, it works. Too well. When we change the way we feel, it changes the way we think and behave. When we change from “shy” to “confident,” it doesn’t stop at the ability to walk across an empty dance floor and ask someone to dance. It includes the confidence to think we can drive just fine. Or, not think at all. Just turn that key.

One guy decided to walk home as it was only six blocks. He headed in the wrong direction as he left the bar, wandered around for a bit, happened upon his pickup and, you guessed it, decided to drive home. Arrested. The good news there was that he now believes the arrest to be the best thing that ever happened to him. He still calls me on his “birthday,” still in recovery ten years later. I have a post in semi-progress on that.

In 20 years of working with over a thousand clients, I heard numerous examples of the power of alcohol to dissolve sensible vows made with a fully functioning brain. How that works deserves a post of its own. Other drugs have their own, not always useful, effects.

If you have a topic you would like me to write about, please leave a comment on the blog, reached by clicking on the title, underlined in blue.