The Hockey Stick Graph Upside Down

In treatment I was told that there is a tendency for humans to quit doing what made them successful. This is especially true for folks in recovery. I could relate to that as I had already stopped doing yoga, less than a year after I started doing yoga during my “accidental” year of abstinence from alcohol. Not to be confused with “sobriety” or “in recovery.” I was smoking marijuana and doing nothing whatsoever to support abstinence from alcohol.

Predictably, I "accidentally" wound up drinking again. Also predictably, my addiction to alcohol had increased and, recalling how good I *used* to feel when abstinent, I spent over ten-years trying to recapture that state, but I lacked key information and a support group. 

What often happens with people who are working a serious program in support of recovery is the tendency to become “too busy” to continue working that program. It is not usually a conscious decision, just a slow decline in adherence to the program that made them successful. I was determined not to let that happen this time. In support of that, I inscribed another quote on my bulletin board from the Nero Wolfe novel mentioned in an earlier post. “A schedule broken at will becomes a mere procession of vagaries.” A fancy way of saying “stick to your program or it isn’t a program.”

I have a brother whose exercise program puts mine in the shade. Our sister asked him, “How do you stick with that?” He replied, “I just do it.” He didn’t mean it is easy. He meant it is simple. Either you do it or you don’t do it, but it is a lot easier if you do not question the decision that made perfect sense when you made it. When you do, it is merely another form of negotiating with Slick and that usually ends with a bad bargain. “I’ll do it later,” becomes like the Kerouacian notion that “mañana (tomorrow) must mean Heaven.” When it comes to a useful life, more often, tomorrow means Hell. An old song, “Mañana (Is Soon Enough for Me” leads to an unrepaired broken window “and the rain is coming in.”

About halfway through my treatment experience, the daily reading in the Twenty-Four Hours A Day book included “Yesterday is gone, forget it. Tomorrow never comes, don’t worry. Today is here. Get busy.” I lettered that large and taped it to the bathroom wall. An important attitude change while still in the blade of my own early recovery hockey stick graph.

As we go through early recovery and hit the handle of the hockey stick, we become increasingly busy. We wonder how we ever found time to be bored. The world is full of interesting and rewarding ways to spend our time. Something has to give.

Since there are very few pieces of our program outside of “just don’t use” that are as critical to always adhere to, that makes our program a tempting “rainy day fund” to dip into when we are trying to squeeze one more activity into our busy day.

You might illustrate the problem with all this by turning the Hockey Stick Graph upside down and considering the line forming the “blade” across the top of the graph to be the successful life the world sees us living. Unfortunately, just like when the blade is crawling along the bottom, changes are developing out of the sight of others.

They see us going to work, even getting praised or promoted. Our bodies may not look any different as we become negligent in our eating and exercising habits. Our sleep routines are freely violated in favor of late night TV or our Internet addiction, but we still wake up feeling better than we did with a hangover. Our disposition may remain sunny, with perhaps slowly increasing clouds, written off as the result of stress due to being so busy. All the while, inside the blade, a certain amount of dry rot is setting in.

Remember, the handle now points down, towards the bottom, potentially clear back to the using we had escaped from with so much difficulty. As our new life slowly deteriorates, a highly stressful event of some sort suddenly strikes. The pieces we carefully assembled while in the blade at the bottom of the graph are in disarray, infrequently to never accessed, unavailable to turn to in time of need. Our inattention to nutrition, exercise and regular sleep is sapping our energy levels. As we faded away from our support system, including our daily readings, we lost the regular reminders of how we want to live our lives and no longer experience the supportive interaction with others who understand our issues. If we turn back to what used to be a solid support system, they are no longer familiar with our situation, so it becomes harder for them to provide support.

Like a kid climbing a slide, the trip up took more time and effort than the slippery slope down. That first sip, snort or hit can put waxed paper under our butt. The paving on that famous “road to Hell” is gold-plated, and the destination is seen in a fun house mirror that promises fun and laughter. The real laughing going on has a sinister ring to it. (Listen to The Chambers Brothers 11-minute version of “Time has Come Today.”)

Fr. Martin said, “Can prayer help with a toothache? Yes. If said on the way to the dentist.” Can willpower help you to resist temptation? Yes! If used to follow your program. Willpower is a whole lot more useful when you use it to stick to your program than when you are faced with a sudden temptation when under stress. Not following your program is just another face of the many-headed reptile known as Slick, the master of the easy way out that turns out to be the easy way in deeper.

Don’t forget where you came from, and don’t forget what brought you out of that prison.  

More on this later, but remember: “It is not the will to win that counts. It is the will to *do what it takes* to win."

So, use your will power to get out of your comfortable chair in time to get to your support group meeting and inoculate yourelf against the stressors of daily life.